Transfer Day

Hey everyone!  Yesterday was our embryo transfer.  I can not even begin to tell you how nervous I was because this was the point last time that everything started to go wrong.  This time, like last time, we had many eggs fertilize.  This time, like last time, several were growing and we were able to do a 5 day transfer.  Then you don't hear anything else from the IVF lab until you go in for the transfer.  Last time, we thought everything was still going great... then the embryologist came in and slapped me in the face with some grade C embryos, then said we had nothing to freeze, then it all spiraled down into a big, fat negative.  So I was not very excited about this appointment.  We got there early because there was no traffic on a Sunday, and we had to wait in the parking lot for a nurse to let us in.  It was pretty cool because we got to go in the private "doctor" elevator and went through the office part of the fertility center, where the doctors meet, their offices, the huge file room!  It felt like just one more thing that makes Will and I not just the average everyday patient at NFC. 

When we finally got to the room, I had to get on my gown, take my valium, and wait for the embryologist to come and tell me the news.  I was so scared.. my heart was hammering in my chest, I was sweating, I was having flashbacks in my head [[[grade C, none to freeze, no good news, I'm so sorry]]]  But then the she finally came in and showed us the paper with the picture and grade of our little embies.  One perfect little grade A (!!!!) and one grade B.  She also said we have one embryo to freeze.  I felt like a thousand pound weight was lifted off of my chest!! I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief and the embryologist looked at me with these empathetic eyes and said "grade A is the best you can get, you really did great this time, try to breathe!"  I felt so much better after she left.  Just knowing I have one perfect little embryo being transferred, and one grade B which are what most people get and become pregnant, plus having one backup in case something doesn't work.  So then Will and I joked about one smart/one athletic twin, the A one being the girl because of course girls are smarter, etc. until my valium kicked in and we were ready to go! 

Dr. Hill came in and said I did amazing this cycle.  He even said we were taking a bit of a risk here implanting these 2 near perfect embryos, but he also said he understands everything I have been through, so that makes him ok with it.  We were wheeled into the transfer room for what I must say is always the most painful appointment.  I hate the speculum, I hate the stuff to "clean" your cervix with what feels like a Q-tip without the cotton, I hate the cold stuff they put on your tummy for the ultrasound, I hate the way the catheter has to snake in and out and hit all different parts of your lady areas before it gets to your uterus, and I hate hanging basically upside down for an entire hour! It hurts so bad, but at least the valium takes the edge off a little bit.  I found the little screw on the corner of the light in the ceiling very interesting for a while...

When we finished, Dr. Hill showed us the little embryos inside my uterus and told me to hang out in bed for a few days.  We have a progesterone level bloodwork appointment scheduled for July 10th and a pregnancy test scheduled for July 16th.  Everyone thinks I should test early, and I definitely could.  But I seriously think I have some form of PTSD of taking home pregnancy tests.  I have taken so many, only to see that one evil pink line every single time that threw me into hysterics and made me non functional for a good 3 or 4 days.  I look straight ahead when I walk by them in the grocery store, and if I even start thinking about opening one up, waiting for the results as it lay on the bathroom sink, I start sweating and get really hot and itchy and almost break out in hives!! They have never brought anything to me but devastation.  So, I am pretty confident that I will just wait for the blood test.  I mean, I have a perfect embryo inside me.  Perfect. How could at least one not take?  As I said before.. I am not going to think of what could go wrong.   I am ONLY thinking of what could go right.  Please pray, pray, pray.. Hopefully I will have good news to share soon!

Here is a picture of our little embryos we transferred yesterday.  Praying they latch on and grow for the next nine months!  Oh, and speaking of progesterone, I am not taking about the little progesterone pills most people get to take.  No, I take progesterone each night intramuscularly.  Enjoy, and thank your lucky stars for progesterone pills!!

Egg Retrieval

So yesterday morning was my egg retrieval!  I can not even tell you how ready I was to have these eggs taken out of me.. my ovaries felt like they were going to burst, I could not even stand up straight!  Dr. Hill came in and said how excited he was to be doing my retrieval, and then they gave me some "happy meds".  I actually remember being wheeled into the retrieval room, switching beds, and then having 3 nurses all over me (one putting oxygen in my nose, one getting my legs in stirrups, one pushing the meds in my IV) and then I was out!  I woke up back in the room with Will.  I was in sooo much pain.  It was a mixture between really awful period cramps, and that kind of cramping you get if you hold your pee for a really long time.  It was awful!  The nurse gave me a lorotab and some dilaudid to help with the pain, which made me super nauseous and dizzy.  It was a mess!!
I still feel pretty awful today.  I am having terrible cramps, and the pain meds just make me puke, so I am mostly just laying around and trying to sleep off the pain!  The IVF lab called earlier this morning.  They got 14 eggs at retrieval, performed ICSI (insert sperm into the egg) on 10, and 9 fertilized!  I feel like 9/10 is a very good success rate.  She is going to call again tomorrow to let me know how they are progressing.  As of right now, our transfer is scheduled for Sunday at 9am.  Hopefully I am feeling better by then!  But for now, back to the couch I go.  Here is a picture of me pre-egg retrieval!

Ultrasounds 2 and 3

So this week has been a crazy week filled with doctors, bloodwork, and ultrasounds!  I basically have to go in every other day so the doctor can monitor my estrogen level to make sure it isn't getting too high, as well as checking on how many eggs I am growing, how big they are, and to help them determine when I am ready to take the shots to trigger ovulation for the egg retrieval.  The doctor today said my uterine lining looks "great!!" and she said I am a rare case (in a good way) because all of my eggs are growing at the exact same rate, while my estrogen level is staying pretty low, which is the "ideal" scenario.  I told Will that I feel like I am the star student in class!  So, the nurse just called and said to take my stimulant meds one more time tonight, then trigger shot (for ovulation) Sunday night.  We go back Monday just for bloodwork and to talk to our nurse about egg retrieval stuff (we know the drill, lady) and then our egg retrieval is scheduled for Tuesday morning at 9am.  Of course, it would be on the one day I have a dentist appointment and was going with my mom to get her hair done, but since its for the egg retrieval, I am fine with it!  I am also very excited because the nurse said both my retrieval and my transfer will be with MY doctor.  I know he is seriously wanting me to be pregnant.. I have been a thorn in his side (so to speak) and a case he can't solve for a good 3 years, so I know he is going to do everything in his power to make sure this works.

Speaking of "making sure it works".. I have read so many sweet comments people have said to me!  I have so many people praying for us and wishing us the best.  But lets talk, friends.  I know you all are thinking exactly what we are thinking.  "Oh! I am so happy for them!!... I really hope this works... what if it doesn't work..."  We are so very excited about doing all of this again, but to say we were not terrified would be a lie.  Though there are so many positives, medically, to doing IVF a second time, the negative side of it is having flashbacks of being here 2 years ago and being so excited and calculating my due date and picking baby names and nursery colors.. only to have my world come crashing down 3 weeks later and spend the next 2 long years crawling back up from the pits of Hell.  Believe me, I haven't forgotten!  BUT I also can not let fear hold me down.  I have learned to live by one motto since we began this journey again: "Stop worrying about what could go wrong and start thinking about what could go right."  If I let my mind wander, my fear sometimes takes over and I begin to panic.  I start re-preparing myself for impact and getting my designated corner of my room ready with my shot glass and pillow that I have been to so many times for negative pregnancy tests after IVF and IUIs and pregnancy announcements and baby showers.... But then I think about what could go right.  This is IVF here.. 90ish% success for someone like me, with perfect ultrasounds and flawless bloodwork.  Yes, it could go wrong, but it could also go so, so right.  So, we are choosing to think about all of the things that could go right!! Another motto I am living by is to "give it to God and go to sleep".  There is only so much worrying and scenario playing a person can do.  And what good is it?  Does it change anything?  Does it help the outcome?  No.  The only one who can change anything or predict the outcome of something is God.  So give it to him, and go to sleep!!

So friends, do not worry about me!! I know it is scary to see me so happy and excited and know that in 3 weeks my world can collapse again, but let's as a group agree that we will not think of it again until we need to (hopefully never)  Let's all be positive, let's all pray for success, give it to God, and go to sleep!

I have a few pictures for you today.  I have the medical picture of a normal ovary (top picture 1-2 small eggs) and a stimulated ovary (bottom picture..mine have about 17.. ouch!)  and my favorite life mottos right now.  Pray for my little eggies, and send me positive thoughts on Tuesday at 9:00!

Ultrasound 1

Hey guys! Today was our first ultrasound to check on our little eggies.  I was excited to see how everything was progressing because I am on new medications with different doses than last time.  The good thing about doing this whole IVF thing for a second time is that I am not getting the "basic workup".. meaning I am not getting a standard IVF plan and hoping it works.  Instead, my doctors and nurses have experience with how my body reacts to the medications, what went right, what went wrong, what could be better, etc. etc.  So I have a much more personalized plan for my body this time, which is hopefully going to make a huge difference!
My nurse called with the results about an hour ago.  She said my estradiol (estrogen) level was 376, which is lower than last time.  My doctor said last time I was on stimulant meds my eggs came out "guns blazing" (?!?!?!) and I had way too many, so they couldn't grow big enough or as good of a quality as they could have been.  So this time he is going for a more "quality over quantity" approach, which means less eggs, better quality.  My nurse said everything looked perfect today, so keep taking my meds as I am and go back in again on Thursday.
Since this blog has turned into more of a rant educational thing, I figured I would take a picture of the medicine I take every day.  Here we have a terrible painful nasty nauseating crazy pills lovely cocktail of coq10, prenatals, vitamin D, folic acid, dexamethesone, gonal F, lupron, and menopur.  Say that 5 times fast!!

Suppression Check

Hey everyone!  Today was our suppression check.  I have been on birth control and Lupron for about a month, and the doctor has to check and make sure all of my eggs and hormones are nice and rested so they can get crazy overstimulated over the next 2 weeks!! I did a lot better with side effects this time.  I really didn't have any mood swings or crying fits!  Mostly I have just been super nauseous every day and had a few hot flashes here and there.  But I will take that over mood swings any day! 
First, the phlebotomist did my bloodwork, then we did the ultrasound to check my follicles.  It is so funny (sad!!) that Will and I know everyone who works at the fertility center.  When we went in today, everyone we saw was like "hey guys!!" "How have you been?" "Good to see you!" "long time no see!" as they carry around our HUGE file, which I am sure weighs a good 5 pounds!!  A fertility center is not exactly a place you want to become popular in because you have been a loyal patient for 3 years.. BUT it is definitely reassuring to see friendly, familiar faces during such an anxious time.  Anyway, after our ultrasound our nurse talked to us about my medications and said we did not need to do a trial embryo transfer, basically because I have had enough catheters shoved in me between IVFs and IUIs over the past 2 years that they are pretty confident they can easily do it again during the transfer.. so that was good!  The nurse called a few minutes ago to tell me my e2 level was 36 which means I am suppressed.  So, I will start my stimulation drugs on Saturday, and begin my lovely rounds of bloodwork and ultrasounds on Tuesday the 24th.  Hopefully our egg retrieval will be the first week of July.  Here is a picture of my stimulant injectable meds.  Gonal-F.. it's what's for dinner!

Meds!

Hi everyone!  Will and I have been in full swing IVF mode as of May 23rd.  Right now I am in the suppression stage, so I am taking birth control and will start lupron Thursday.  My suppression check is scheduled for June 17th, and then a whole bunch of lovely ultrasounds, then egg retrieval the week of June 30th.  I am SO not excited about taking lupron again.. last time I am pretty sure Will almost had me admitted to the looney bin!! I also have to take a bunch of new meds, including menopur, Gonal F, and bravelle patches.  Will and I decided to skip the IVF class this time because we thought we were pros.. until I opened my box of meds!! No idea what I am doing!! Sooo I will have to call my nurse and basically tell her I am not smarter than a fifth grader (or in this case, smarter than IVF class participants) and have her explain what each med is for and how/when to take it.  I am not nearly as stressed and frantic as I was at this point last time.  I went back and read my blog from the first IVF.. and I read the post about the meds, thinking to myself "calm down chick!!"  But then I remembered how physically and emotionally exhausted I was from being so naive and not knowing what to expect, what to do, who to ask...... I think this time is less stressful mostly because I know what lies ahead.  I know what will happen next, what the bloodwork and ultrasound results mean, what I should or shouldn't be worried about.  So for now, I am not stressing about anything.  I am just taking the meds and waiting patiently for the next step.  I will post again after my suppression check.

Here is a picture of my meds.  Should have taken the class, huh?!

Would you like check or cash?

Wow!  It has been a crazy few weeks.  A lot has been going on in my life, both fertility wise and other.  Our dog of 11 years had a stroke and was diagnosed with blindness, so I have spend the majority of this month researching her condition and helping her adjust as best I can.  Hubby was hospitalized with Pylonephritis for 4 days, so I spent last week in and out of the hospital with him.  It is the last few weeks of school, so I am trying to get all testing, paperwork, and cleaning done before the last day, on top of making sure all of our prerequisites are met for IVF.  BUSY is an understatement!!
We hit a huge milestone for us in IVF world last week. I have already written about this, but I remember the first time we did IVF, the money situation hit us like a ton of bricks.  $14,000?!! We fund raised for a year and STILL had to take out a $6,000 loan (which we are still paying on).  This time, though, it seems like everything just fell into place perfectly within a few months time.  The people who love me the most really came together and donated so much money to Will and myself.  I raised money and had a few thousand in savings.  I knew we had the money, but it was in so many different places, and it was making me anxious because I didn't know how much we had exactly, and nothing was set in stone.  I still felt like the rug would be pulled out from under me any second.  I think this whole "This is great, but what is going to go wrong to mess it all up" attitude is going to take a long time to get rid of.  Well, last week my mom and I decided to gather all of the money, put it all in the bank, and figure out how much we had/need.
So, I went to her house with my big old envelope of cash and my big bucket of change, a few checks, and a pen and paper.  We had, in all, $11,500!!!! We needed $10,500 for IVF, and with my discounted meds we need about $700.  That means we had enough money for everything with no loans or credit cards.  In 3 months time!!! WHAT?!! How did that even happen!!??? So I took my happy little self to the bank, got my cashiers checks, and sent them off to the fertility center.  IVF is paid. in. full.
I am cycle day 29 today, so I should be starting my period within the next few days, and we will start our exciting new journey!! We are nervous, excited, scared, happy, and ready. Most of all though, we are in disbelief of how easily this journey is starting out.  Bring it on, IVF #2!!

Here is a picture of our money before we took it to the bank!!