IVF #2

So I realized why I have been having so many meltdowns.  It was because I knew in my heart an IUI would not work.  Let me explain what an IUI is.. **disclaimer, may be TMI for some readers.. welcome to infertility!!** An iui is when the doctor puts sperm into a syringe and attaches it to a catheter.  They insert the catheter into my uterus, dispense the sperm, and then I have to wait 2 weeks to see if it worked.  Now here is the trick,  we are using frozen sperm, which only stays alive inside the body for 12 hours, and during those 12 hours it is slow and sluggish due to being frozen and dethawed.  There are various ways to increase the VERY low chances of the sperm and egg meeting on time, such as medicine to produce more eggs to increase the sperms chances of finding one, a trigger shot to make me ovulate 24-48 hours after injecting it, etc.  But the chances of that sperm meeting that egg within the 12 hour time crunch is damn near impossible, no matter how many chinese herbs I shove down my throat or how many needles I get put in me for accupuncture.  The chances are just very slim of it working.. like winning the lottery.  So as the time was quickly approaching to me doing this IUI.. I was becoming extremely nervous.  I was already preparing myself for my world to come crashing down again with another negative and figuring out how I would pick up the pieces and go yet another year being sad and jealous and bitter and trying to work through all of those feelings yet again.. while being another $3000 in debt.  It was terrifying and I was losing my mind (as many of you saw from my last blog post....)

So my mom calls me one day while in the middle of one of my meltdowns and can not figure out why I am so sure this procedure will not work.  When I explained my reasons.. she said.. "You know what?? I am done with these IUI's.. we are doing IVF this summer."  .?!!? I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  I have wanted to do IVF again since the last one failed.  Let me explain the difference between IVF and IUI.  During IVF.. they literally get you pregnant outside of your body.  They put you on meds to make you produce tons of eggs.  Then when the eggs are mature they harvest the eggs and put them in a little petri dish.  They then take the frozen sperm, dethaw, and inject the sperm into the best eggs so they fertilize and become embryos.  Then they take the best embryos and insert them into your uterus to implant and become little babies and freeze the rest of the embryos for later use.  There is literally NOTHING left to chance with IVF.  It is all totally controlled.  SO of course I would rather do this (not to mention the 75% success rate.. which is even higher for me because of my age and the fact that I have been doing accupuncture AND all of my tests are great). But it is sooo expensive.  My mom said we will figure it out.  We have a lot of money saved already that we were planning to use for IUI and/or other things.. that will now be used for IVF.  I have a gofundme.com page up and running, my sister in law is donating a good chunk of money, and we may have to take out a $4500 loan.  But we WILL have the money by June (!!!!!!!!) and are looking to start a cycle in May (!!!!!!!!!!)

Infertility is so scary.  We have to pay a lot of money up front to even try to get pregnant, then have a bunch of doctors and nurses poke and prod and prescribe meds .. we can't just lock the bedroom door and light some candles (wouldn't that be nice).  Then if it doesn't work, we can't just "try next month".. we have to go back to saving and go through the grieving process once again.  I can't even explain the headache trying to have a baby is to someone who doesn't have fertility issues.. though I try through this blog.  So yes, we are scared.  Yes, it is a HUGE risk.  But, with big risk comes big reward.  For the first time, I feel this coming together.  We are not freaking out for money and wondering what will happen.  Everything seems to just be falling into place.. so I pray this is a sign of good things to come.  We shall see.  I will try my best to keep everyone updated as we go through this exhausting journey with IVF once again.  Please pray for us and wish us luck!! Here we go!!

Gofundme link