Egg Retrieval

Yesterday was my egg retrieval!  I was very ready to have some relief from getting these eggs taken out.  They were able to get 16 eggs.  That's 2 more than how many we retrieved during my girls' cycle.  I think they threw those in their for themselves, one extra for Zo and one extra for Pip!  Just another way of them showing us they are with us.  I actually felt a lot better this time than I did last egg retrieval.  They gave me different pain medicine and gave me some Zofran for nausea, so I woke up a little sore but not bad at all.  Today I was even able to go to an all day training for work and felt fine.  The embryologist called and said they were able to ICSI (insert sperm into egg) on 12 eggs, and 7 have fertilized.  That is 2 less than the girls, once again a sign from them!  I feel like those 2 less embryos are their way of reminding me of my favorite 2 embryos in heaven.  My mom thinks Zoey and Piper got rid of the boy embryos, haha!

I'm going to be honest and say I am a little disappointed with only 7 fertilized eggs.  I just feel like it is kind of a low number and it is freaking me out.  But, even the paper they gave us says on average only half of the eggs retrieved are usable, and of those, only half fertilize.  Based on that, we are slightly above average, but I still wish we had more.  We had 9 fertilized eggs with the girls, and by the 5 day transfer only 3 were good enough quality to implant/freeze, so maybe that is what has my nerves messed up.  I don't know.  I guess in my perfect world, I would have 14 or 15 fertilized eggs!  It is both a curse and a blessing to have a successful cycle to compare to this one.  It's great because the similarities between the 2 cycles are so reassuring, but then if something is different it freaks me out.  All we can do is wait for the voicemail tomorrow about how our embryos are growing, and then see what we have to work with on transfer day Sunday.  I am praying my 7 little embies grow big and strong and we have at least 3 or 4 to work with!

Third Ultrasound

So today I went for my third ultrasound!  I was actually scanned by the new NFC doctor, who was great!  He was very detailed, showed me where the needle would go to aspirate my follicles, told me my lining and follicle measurements, he was great!  He said it is normal for one ovary to work better than the other, and in my case my left ovary is the "work horse" of this cycle.  He then said he thought my follicles would need another couple of days worth of stimulation meds, and I probably wouldn't be able to trigger on Sunday.  So I was thinking my retrieval wouldn't be until maybe Wednesday or even Thursday!

Well, apparently Zoey and Piper were having none of that!! The doctor just called me and said my E2 was 2100 and after looking at my follicles, he sees that I will indeed be able to trigger Sunday night.  So, exactly like the girls cycle, I take my trigger shots Sunday at 9:45pm and will have my egg retrieval 8:45 Tuesday morning! 

I love having my 2 little cheerleaders guiding this cycle every step of the way.  I will update you after the egg retrieval :-)


                                 My ovaries right now.. except Gonal-F/Menopur.. not Clomid!

                                           
                                                             Current Mindset <3 <3

Ultrasound #2, signs from my girls

Remember when I said I wouldn't blog as much this cycle?  Well, I lied :-)

Today I had ultrasound #2.  It was the normal bloodwork to test estrogen levels and then ultrasound to measure follicle sizes.  After the ultrasound I met with Tina to do a med count and just talk.  She said she and Dr. Hill keep flipping back and comparing this cycle with our last cycle.  Everything is still weirdly similar.  I am on the exact same medication, my appointments are on the exact same days of the week, bloodwork numbers are almost identical.  This fact is so bittersweet to me.  On the one hand, its wonderful, because the girls' cycle went perfect.  Great quality embryos, both implanted, healthy.  I would have 2 beautiful baby girls if it wasn't for my stupid defective cervix.  On the other hand, the similarities are making me miss Zo and Pip so much.  It's not that I have forgotten them over the past 15 months, but I have compartmentalized and pushed my grief to the back of my mind.  But being back in cycle and reading over my posts from this time in their cycle, its bringing up so many memories and making me sad.  I hate that I didn't know about my incompetent cervix.  I hate that my body couldn't hold on just 8 or 10 more weeks for them.  I hate that I have to move on without them.  But then I like to think the fact that this cycle is so much like their cycle might be a little sign from them.  Like they are saying "look mom! you can do this.  Look how good you are doing!  You conceived us, now you can conceive our sibling the same way!" It makes my heart happy, and I like to think about a cute pregnancy announcement and newborn photos with Zoey and Piper's memory bears and their newborn baby brother or sister. 

Anyway, Tina called me and said my estrodial went up to a 900 which is wonderful.  She said Dr. Hill is very pleased with how this cycle is going.  We will go back on Saturday and again on Monday, when we will have a better idea of and egg retrieval date.  If Zoey and Piper have anything to do with it, it will be on Tuesday morning!

I like to think of Zoey and Piper saying this to me as they see me struggle with my emotions during this cycle.  Love my baby girls!!

Ultrasound #1

Today I went to my first ultrasound since starting stims this cycle!  I went by myself this time because I was going to go to work after, but school was cancelled for snow!! So, I had a day off :)

Tina called with the results and said she and Dr. Hill compared notes with this cycle and last (Zoey and Piper's cycle) and said everything looks "right on the money".. meaning everything is looking about the same.  My E2 today was 320 and I had bunches of little eggies growing!  I have to go back for my 2nd ultrasound Thursday, and again on Saturday.  If this cycle continues to go like the girls' cycle, I will probably have my egg retrieval on Tuesday morning, then transfer Sunday.  I feel like this is going so fast! 

If I have learned anything from our long journey thus far, it is to find humor in the madness.  Sorry to my first grade babies and to my work friends for my crazy mood swings!! :-)

 This is a legit problem...

Suppression Check

Hi everyone!
Boy, time sure does fly when you are doing IVF while working.  I have only done IVF when I am out of school for summer, so time seemed to draaaaag on.  But I had my suppression check on Tuesday, and here it is, Friday evening, and I am like AH! I forgot to blog!! SO, sorry friends!!

We went in for our suppression check on Tuesday to make sure my little ovaries are nice and settled, so we can SHOVE THEM FULL OF HORMONES AND GROW SO MANY EGGS THAT THEY ARE JUST ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!!! so.. we did our normal bloodwork and then went in for the ultrasound.  I was so excited because this was the FIRST time I would actually get to see my TAC!! I told the ultrasound tech about it and she said I was only the second patient EVER in the history of Nashville Fertility Center to have a TAC, so she was pretty excited to see it as well.  It basically just looked like a bright white line.  All I could think was, Praise God, that bright white line is going to stop me from ever losing another baby.  That bright white line is going to bring a baby into this world. That bright white line healed my broken body.  That bright white line could have saved my girls if circumstances were different.  That bright white line is going to save their brother or sister.  Needless to say I almost lost it right there on the table.  Of course the hormones didn't help any!! After seeing the TAC, the tech said I had lots of little micro follicles and everything looked great!

After the ultrasound, we met with our nurse, Tina.  Tina was with us for our cycle with the girls, and she was with us for our failed FET cycle, so we are pretty close to her.  She went over the medication (a mere formality, Lord knows I could take all this medicine with my eyes closed) and then she tentatively asked me how many embryos we were planning to transfer this time.  Honestly, I feel like we are stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Yes, I know my TAC can hold twins, but there are soo many other complications with twin pregnancies, AND I would have so many awful flashbacks, I would basically be terrified the entire  time.  I would not enjoy my pregnancy at all.  I know I would be so much more relaxed if we only transfer one.  But, we did just transfer one for our frozen transfer, and that was an epic fail.  It didn't even take.  So, There are pros and serious cons to both.  I told her I didn't know what to do.  So, she said if we have a perfect embryo, grade A, already hatching, extremely high probability of taking, then we would do one.  Anything less than perfect, we would transfer 2.  I feel comfortable with that.  So, we won't know how many embryos we will transfer until the actual transfer day!

After that difficult discussion, I had to have another trial embryo transfer, which sucked, as usual.  It feels like the worst period cramps you could ever have.  They basically insert a catheter and essentially "draw a map" of where they had to go left or right to navigate the catheter from the cervix into the uterus, so there is no guess work when they try to get in there with an actual embryo.  Everyone was nervous and did not know what to expect with the TAC in place.  Luckily, the catheter went in easily and with no problems! yay!

We got our new voicemail box (repeat customers: mailbox #5), then we went to go file our taxes and have a nice lunch.  When I finally called my mailbox, Tina said my E2 level was 32, so I am officially suppressed.  I start the big guns (Gonal-F and Menopur) tomorrow evening, then have ultrasounds Tuesday, Friday, and Monday.  Hopefully on Monday we will have an egg retrieval date!

I did not get a picture of my TAC, but I found someone else's picture of what mine looked like (obviously, mine is minus the baby... for now!!).  I love my bright white line!!!

And in honor of starting 3 more injections tomorrow...