Ultrasound #2, signs from my girls

Remember when I said I wouldn't blog as much this cycle?  Well, I lied :-)

Today I had ultrasound #2.  It was the normal bloodwork to test estrogen levels and then ultrasound to measure follicle sizes.  After the ultrasound I met with Tina to do a med count and just talk.  She said she and Dr. Hill keep flipping back and comparing this cycle with our last cycle.  Everything is still weirdly similar.  I am on the exact same medication, my appointments are on the exact same days of the week, bloodwork numbers are almost identical.  This fact is so bittersweet to me.  On the one hand, its wonderful, because the girls' cycle went perfect.  Great quality embryos, both implanted, healthy.  I would have 2 beautiful baby girls if it wasn't for my stupid defective cervix.  On the other hand, the similarities are making me miss Zo and Pip so much.  It's not that I have forgotten them over the past 15 months, but I have compartmentalized and pushed my grief to the back of my mind.  But being back in cycle and reading over my posts from this time in their cycle, its bringing up so many memories and making me sad.  I hate that I didn't know about my incompetent cervix.  I hate that my body couldn't hold on just 8 or 10 more weeks for them.  I hate that I have to move on without them.  But then I like to think the fact that this cycle is so much like their cycle might be a little sign from them.  Like they are saying "look mom! you can do this.  Look how good you are doing!  You conceived us, now you can conceive our sibling the same way!" It makes my heart happy, and I like to think about a cute pregnancy announcement and newborn photos with Zoey and Piper's memory bears and their newborn baby brother or sister. 

Anyway, Tina called me and said my estrodial went up to a 900 which is wonderful.  She said Dr. Hill is very pleased with how this cycle is going.  We will go back on Saturday and again on Monday, when we will have a better idea of and egg retrieval date.  If Zoey and Piper have anything to do with it, it will be on Tuesday morning!

I like to think of Zoey and Piper saying this to me as they see me struggle with my emotions during this cycle.  Love my baby girls!!