Negative

Well, what can I say?  I had a bad feeling when I woke up this morning.  I woke up at 3am with this dreadful feeling the nurse would say "negative".  The whole way there I felt sick to my stomach.  Will was very optimistic, which was scary for me.  We went in and got blood drawn, then had to wait for the voicemail.

The voicemail came at 1:30.  She said "I'm sorry, I don't have good news for you.  Your Beta came back at less than 2, which is a negative".  This is the point that I broke down.  All that money, all that time, all I put my body through.  It was devastating.  I dreaded having to tell Will.  We both wanted this so bad, and everything looked on track.  I called Will and he came home right away.

Will and I had our pity party.  He was so very loving and supportive, just the best.  If nothing else, this experience is making our marriage an extremely strong one.  I just love him so much.

We have an appointment with our doctor next week to try to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it.  Will and I have discussed it a lot and we are probably going to try it again.  From everything I have read, the doctors were sort of going in blind with us, hoping the traditional protocol worked.  Now, they know exactly how my body reacts to everything, how the embryos act, and how to fix the things that went wrong.  Of course, that brings us back to the money situation. 

All I can say is, this is not the news we hoped and prayed for, and definitely not what we expected.  IVF is not for the faint of heart.  It can make or break your marriage.  It will drain you physically, emotionally, and financially.  It will test your faith, make you feel inadequate, and defeated.  But I consider myself to be a strong girl, and my marriage is very strong.  Will is amazing.  We just have to wait to hear from the doctor.  Hopefully, we can try this again, with success.

I know how many people are praying for Will and me during this time.  It is going to take some time to heal.  But we will.  Our journey to parenting may be longer than expected, but it is definitely not over.

Bloodwork and Bedrest

Finally, I am off bedrest!! I realized I am really bad at bedrest.  I tried really hard to stay laying down, but I was mostly sitting up working on school stuff, or pretending I had to go pee jut so I could get up and walk around a little. For the most part, I did ok.  But finally today I was able to get up and go to the doctor.  It was just for bloodwork, but it was nice to get out.  I can't believe the next time I go to the doctor will be to take a pregnancy test!!

Yesterday the embryologist called with some bad news.  Unfortunately, our little embryos did not grow enough to get a high enough grade to be frozen, so they did not freeze anything.  That kind of stresses me out, because now I KNOW this is our only shot.  We can't spend another 14,000 to try again.  It is this or nothing.  As if the 2 week wait for the pregnancy test wasn't long enough as it is...

As for how I am feeling, I am fine today.  Yesterday and the day before I was feeling really crampy.  Now I just feel a little more tired than usual. 

Well, I guess I am just going to try to keep myself busy over the next 9 days.  Luckily, I have a lot of stuff to get done for school, so that should make the time pass.  I really hope I can come back with some good news on the 27th. Prayers from everyone would be very appreciated!! I didn't take a picture from today because we just had bloodwork done, but for your viewing pleasure, here is a picture of Will, because he is just too cool.

Transfer Day

We just got home from our embryo transfer!  It was a long, awkward, interesting experience..

We got there at 9:30, and the nurse told me to go ahead and get scrubbed up and take my valium (you don't hear that everyday!) and that Dr. Weitzman had a big surgery after me so he would probably be a little early.  So, I took my valium and waited about 30 minutes. 

Then the embryologist came in.  He said our embyos were growing great and then slowed down a little today, so they got a grade B and a grade C.  I told Will I haven't got a C since college anatomy.  He said he wasn't sure if we would have anything to freeze, he would just have to see how they grow today.  He gave us a picture of the embryos being transferred and said hopefully it would be our "first baby picture"

Then the nurse came in and wheeled me down to the OR.  Will got to come back too, which was a big relief.  I was so glad to have him by my side.  As for the transfer, it went a little something like this...
They took the bottom portion of the bed away and put me in stirrups, then leaned the table back so I was practically upside down.  The doctor had James Taylor playing in the background (?!) The embryologist came in with an incubator containing our embryos.  The nurse put the ultrasound thing on my belly, then we got started.  Ladies, all I can say is, it was like the pap smear that wouldn't end.  The valium didn't help AT ALL. Luckily, it was a 15 minute procedure, so just a few minutes of torture.  When the doctor was done, he showed me the ultrasound.  He pointed to 2 little white dots in my uterus that were the embryos.

I was then wheeled back into the regular room, where I had to lay flat for an hour.  Then the nurse wheeled me out, and I had to lay on Will's lap on the ride home.  Now I am laying in the bed, where I will be for the next 2 days. 

Overall, I think the embryo transfer was the craziest appointment thus far!  I just really hope our little embryos like their new home and cling on.... we will know on the 27th when we take the pregnancy test!  Here are some pictures of Will, me, and our embryos

Day 2 embryos!

Just got another call from the embryologist.  He said several of our little embryos seem to be developing well, so we are on schedule for a day 5 transfer!  He didn't give us any news on the quality of the embryos (Grade A, B, etc.) but the paperwork said they usually don't until it's time to transfer. 

Our transfer is scheduled for Monday at 10:15.  The embryologist will come in and show us a picture of the embryos they will be transferring, then hopefully they both stick and we will be pregnant!!

Here is a picture of what our little embryos look like today.  How sweet!

Day 1 embryos!

Just got a call from the embryologist.  It was the most nerve wracking wait because I was nervous about Will's sperm.  Since it was low quality anyway, plus it had been frozen since November, I thought there would be some complications, and worst case scenario, none would fertilize. So the wait between the retrieval and the phone call was excruciating!

I checked my voicemail at about 9:30.  The embryologist said he did ICSI on 16 eggs, and 9 of them fertilized! I was soooo excited!  He said he will call again tomorrow and let us know how they are doing, and their quality.  Then we wait for transfer day.

Here is a pic of what our little fertilized eggs look like!  I think they look like Will ;-P

Egg Retrieval

Today was our egg retrieval! We had to be there at 8:15.  The nurse had me change into a hospital gown and sign some consent forms.  It was pretty cool because her and Will went to school together, and she helped with his surgery back in November.  The anisthesiologist came in and put the IV in my hand and said I was "the second contestant", meaning there was one egg retrieval before mine.  So Will and I hung out in the waiting room for a few minutes.  I had to get up and empty my bladder, then the anisthesiologist came back in and gave me something to "make me drowsy".  As soon as he put it in, it was like everything was sloooowww motion.  Next thing I know, I am waking up.  I thought I had dozed off waiting to be taken back, but they had finished the retrieval! We had to sit there for a few more minutes until the embryologist came in.  She said they were able to get 20 eggs, some were not mature yet, but for the most part that is quite a haul!  She said they are going to thaw Will's sperm and start on ICSI (they inject the sperm into the egg) and call us tomorrow to tell us how many fertilized!  Right now I am feeling a lot of cramping, like really bad period cramps.  I just am so anxious to hear results tomorrow!!!

Here are some before and after surgery pics!

Ready for the big day(s)!

Today we went to nfc for bloodwork and to talk to our new nurse.  She was really nice.  She told us to be there tomorrow at 8:15 for the egg retrieval.  I have to start taking progesterone tomorrow after the retrieval, which is a BIG needle that goes in my hip. I have to take that every day for a few weeks.  We have the transfer on the 16th, bloodwork on the 18th, and (druuumroolllll) Pregnancy test on the 27th!!! We definitely have some big days coming up.  I will try to write tomorrow after the retrieval! :) :)

Here is a picture of the paperwork we got today outlining everything coming up.  Last time I took a picture of paperwork, I was in mid meltdown.  I'm so happy to have the OPPOSITE reaction for this paperwork!

Fourth (and final!) ultrasound

We went in today for yet another ultrasound.  We both got really nervous because the ultrasound tech said she would probably see us again tomorrow since I still had some follicles that were "not quite there".  We were NOT looking forward to a FIFTH ultrasound!!!

After we left, we had to wait for a voicemail to see if we had to go in again or not.  Usually, we get our voicemail between 2-2:30.  Well, at 4pm, still no voicemail!  Since NFC closes at 4:30, I went ahead and called.  Turns out, my nurse went on maternity leave!  So they had to figure out who my new nurse was going to be!  Crazy day..

THEN, a nurse finally comes on the phone and says the magic words... I am ready for my trigger shot!!  I was so thrilled that I didn't have to wait any longer that I barely heard the rest of her sentence.  When I could finally focus again, she was saying that tomorrow we will go in for just bloodwork, then talk to an IVF nurse about what to expect during retrieval.  Our retrieval is scheduled for Wednesday at 9:15am, and our transfer is scheduled for the 16th at 10:30am.  EXCITING!!!!!!

Here is a picture of my dearest husband, giving me the look he was practicing if the nurse said we had to go in for ultrasound #5.. (she should be lucky we didn't have to, right?!)

Third (grr) ultrasound

Well, today was ultrasound number 3!! We were hoping it would be our last and we would get some news about our egg retrieval.  But no, sadly, our follicles are "not quite developed".  SO, we go back in for our FOURTH ultrasound on Monday.  Fourth times a charm?!

Here is a picture from today of some of the Powell's that I love so much!  This baby (babies?) is coming in to a big, loving family who can't wait until this journey is finished! :)

Second Ultrasound

Well, we went in again this morning and had another ultrasound and estradiol test!  It was a quick 20 minute appointment.  When I checked my voicemail, my nurse said my level was 1,600 something and to decrease my meds from 225 to 125.. we have another ultrasound and estradiol test on Saturday, and then probably back on Monday!  Pretty much right now it is just test, monitor, test, monitor.  Maybe on Saturday they will give us the retrieval date.  Here is a pic of Will and I.  Will self named this picture "Will is tired of driving to nashville for appointments!"

First Ultrasound

We went back to NFC today for another estradiol level and ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech gave Will something to write about, I think it was about my egg quality.  He was a good sport :)  She said something about there being 13 micro(something.) in my right ovary that "may or may not all grow".  Which is a huge number!

When I checked my voicemail box, my nurse said my estradiol level went from 35 to 625.  She said to keep taking my meds how I am, and instead of going back Friday, the 6th.. we are going in on Thursday, the 5th.  Maybe they will do the egg retrieval on Friday?! We shall see!!! :-)

Suppression Check

Today was our first visit to NFC since we started IVF.  The suppression check is where you go in and they check your estradial levels and do some ultrasounds to make sure you are suppressed, and basically at ground zero so they can overstimulate your eggs without making your ovaries explode (which is why I have been taking birth control and lupron)

We got there and they took my blood and then I got to go through all of the lovely poking and proding during the ultrasound.  The nurse totally made me feel better when I told her about my mood swings.  Her exact words were "lupron is a beast!" lol. Then we did a trial embryo transfer to see if I needed a stitch during the real thing.  The betadine made me cramp a little but she said everything looked fine, no stitch, and my uterus is about 6 cm (anyone else want to know that? TMI??)

At checkout, we met a couple who have been trying to have a baby for 5 years!  They had done IUI twice, fostering, tried to adopt, and now they are back to try again.  I couldn't help but feel for that poor girl.  She must feel so defeated, frustrated, and sad.  Ya'll please make a note to keep them in your prayers.. I really want it to work for them too!!

Before we left we got our voice mailbox.  I knew we were getting one, but is it weird that in my head I pictured an actual BOX, like a tape player that you listen to your messages on?! I have no idea why I thought that. Don't make fun of me. Obviously, we were not handed a box.  They just gave us a code to punch in when we call NFC to hear our messages.  Our message said my estradial level was 35, which apparently means I'm suppressed.  I can reduce my lupron to 5 units (YAY!) and start my stimulating hormone on Saturday.  We go back in for more ultrasounds (yyaayy......) on July 3rd!

Here is a picture of Will and I on this day.  I like to call it "Will's reaction to lupron"

Meds and Mood Swings!

Yaay! My meds just arrived!  I ended up paying for everything out of pocket, and have been tracking the package for about a week now, and they are finally here!  I am SO relieved.  Now I have all of the meds I need for my cycle :) :)

If you look up the side effects of lupron, the top two are irritability and mood swings.  I have been taking this medication since the 19th and I am definitely feeling the side effects!!  Lately I have been aggravated with the smallest things.  Will (bless his heart) doesn't know WHAT to do with me!  I think he's seen me cry maybe 4 times in 4 years, and even that was little tears.  I have had 2 sob fests in a week!  I can't even remember what they were over.  Even my dog won't leave me alone, he thinks surely I'm going to die at any moment.  I'm sure everyone will be happy when I can stop taking all of these meds.  But until then, sorry! 

We have our suppression check at 9:30am tomorrow.  I will blog about that when I get home. But until then here is a picture of all of the meds that have been driving me CRAZY, in more ways than one!! :)

Lupron and other pharmacy woes

Well, this is definitely not as easy as I thought it would be once we paid for everything!

About a week after my last post, we got a call from the pharmacy, and they took all of my insurance and credit card information.  They said they would have the meds to me by June 16th, because I was to begin lupron on June 19th.  I waited almost 2 weeks, and the day before the meds were supposed to arrive, the pharmacy calls.  They said they are not contracted with my insurance and I would be transferred.  At this point I am freaking out because I'm sure there is no way I will get my meds by Tuesday.  True to form, I call my new pharmacy and they have absolutely no idea of my prescriptions, they said they never received a fax, and someone would contact me Tuesday.  This is the point where I am in major panic mode.  I call back my old pharmacy and tell them the situation, and they agree to mail me my lupron overnight while the rest of the meds are being processed through insurance at my new pharmacy.  Thank God for intelligent people!! So I wait 3 more days before calling my new pharmacy.  They STILL have no idea what I'm talking about.  So I kindly (or not so kindly) request to be transferred back to the old pharmacy.  Of course they don't have any record of me being transferred, and my old pharmacy also has no records because they were all sent to the new pharmacy. OMG. So now I have to email my nurse and have her RE submit my prescriptions and start alllllll over again. Oh, and did I mention NONE of the meds are covered by insurance anyways?! So this was all for NOTHING, and its still going on!!!!!!! Luckily I don't start my other meds until June 30th.. but of course nothing is easy on this journey for me!!!

With that rant out of the way, today is the day I started Lupron.  I was extremely nervous because I was afraid it would hurt.  My wonderful, cooperative husband got everything together and injected it really fast.  I seriously didn't even know he did it.  I hardly felt a thing.  It is kind of itchy now but I feel much better about having to take this shot everyday!

I will blog again and tell you how the med drama goes!  Here is a picture of hubby getting the lupron ready :)

Cycle Day 1

Yay!! I started my period on Monday, and I have NEVER been more excited! I called my nurse and she gave me a plan again.  I will have my suppression check on June 28th, Ultrasounds July 3rd and July 6th, egg retrieval the week of July 9th.  Until then, it is back to birth control, doxy, and lupron.

This is a really sensitive time for Will and me, because this is exactly the point we were at when we had to stop in November.  I know we are all paid up, but it still feels like the rug will be taken out from under our feet.  I am ready to start the big stuff!

Probably won't be much to post until I start taking the lupron, so until then here is a pic of my cocktail! birth control, prenatal vitamins, and doxy, oh my!

We're Back!!!!!

Hey everyone!  My last post was in November, when Will had his surgery, the loan fell through, and we had to stop treatment.  It was a very depressing time for both of us.  However, I am NOT the kind of person who takes no for an answer!  I decided to set a goal: raise, save, and make money any way I can to come up with $14,000 by June.

Over the past 7 months, I have sold Scentsy, sold chocolates, raised money on our internet website, paid off my credit card, and worked really hard to raise my credit score.  We held a spaghetti dinner at $10 a plate and had a huge yard sale.  We have been non stop trying to raise the money since November.  And let me tell you, it has been exhausting.

After all of our efforts, we raised $7,500.  Seems like a lot, but remember, we had to have $14,000.  I decided to resubmit an application for medical financing, and was able to get a loan for $6,000.  This left us with $500.  My mom gave me some help and, YAY! we went to NFC and are now paid in full. We get to start again next week!

I can't tell you how excited I am to be writing this post.  I busted my tail to get to this point, and I knew I could accomplish my goal.  So I guess the moral of the story is, if a door keeps getting slammed in your face, don't quit. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you can't do something, because if you want it bad enough, you will find a way!! I know I did!! Thank you so much to everyone who helped us raise so much money, I really could not have done this without sooo much support!!

It's good to be back!! Here is a picture of me at NFC, with the check for our balance!