Negative

Well, what can I say?  I had a bad feeling when I woke up this morning.  I woke up at 3am with this dreadful feeling the nurse would say "negative".  The whole way there I felt sick to my stomach.  Will was very optimistic, which was scary for me.  We went in and got blood drawn, then had to wait for the voicemail.

The voicemail came at 1:30.  She said "I'm sorry, I don't have good news for you.  Your Beta came back at less than 2, which is a negative".  This is the point that I broke down.  All that money, all that time, all I put my body through.  It was devastating.  I dreaded having to tell Will.  We both wanted this so bad, and everything looked on track.  I called Will and he came home right away.

Will and I had our pity party.  He was so very loving and supportive, just the best.  If nothing else, this experience is making our marriage an extremely strong one.  I just love him so much.

We have an appointment with our doctor next week to try to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it.  Will and I have discussed it a lot and we are probably going to try it again.  From everything I have read, the doctors were sort of going in blind with us, hoping the traditional protocol worked.  Now, they know exactly how my body reacts to everything, how the embryos act, and how to fix the things that went wrong.  Of course, that brings us back to the money situation. 

All I can say is, this is not the news we hoped and prayed for, and definitely not what we expected.  IVF is not for the faint of heart.  It can make or break your marriage.  It will drain you physically, emotionally, and financially.  It will test your faith, make you feel inadequate, and defeated.  But I consider myself to be a strong girl, and my marriage is very strong.  Will is amazing.  We just have to wait to hear from the doctor.  Hopefully, we can try this again, with success.

I know how many people are praying for Will and me during this time.  It is going to take some time to heal.  But we will.  Our journey to parenting may be longer than expected, but it is definitely not over.