Months 2 and 3 *Sleep Training!*

Hi everyone!
So, I am just now getting time to sit down and blog about what's been happening over the last 2 months.  This is because month 2 was HORRIBLE!! Month 1 was pretty easy because the twins basically just slept all the time.. so they spent most of the day/night in rock-n-plays or swings and I had tons of free time!  Well, in the second month they started to be awake more often.. and we quickly discovered Londyn had her days/nights mixed up.  She would sleep all day long, then wake up around 10pm and be wide awake ready to play and explore.  I would rock her for 45+ minutes to get her asleep, then as soon as I would put her in her bassinet she would SCREAM at the top of her lungs until I picked her back up.  So we moved her to her rock-n-play to sleep at night, and that worked for about 4 nights.  Then she would scream as soon as we put her in that until we picked her back up.  As soon as we would finally get her to sleep by about 4 am, Xander was up an hour later ready for the day!! That means I was only getting maybe an hour of sleep a night, with no time during the day to cook, clean, eat, shower, nap.. nothing!! Literally just running around all day every day.  Then we tried to solve the problem again by me going to bed with Xander at 9pm and Will staying in the living room playing with Londy until about 3am when I would go get her and put her to bed, then he would sleep in with Londyn when I got up with Xander at 6.  This was a short term fix though, because Will had to go back to work in a couple of weeks and had to sleep!  I didn't know what I was going to do.
The first week Will went back to work was a hot mess.  It seemed like as soon as Londyn fell asleep, Xander was up.  Then he would fall asleep and Londyn was up.  30 minutes after I fed one, the other was hungry.  They were eating every hour or 2 and were only sleeping in 30-40 minute increments, and never at the same time.  I was so tired and overwhelmed, and I hate to admit this but I started being ugly to the kids and sometimes literally begging them to go to sleep or stay asleep.  It was awful!!
So about a week ago it was 2am and I was in the living room with Xander because he wouldn't go back to sleep, and I didn't want to wake Will since he had to go to work in the morning.  I was scrolling facebook and saw a video about the secrets to getting your baby to sleep.  I was desperate and this point so I clicked the link that took me to a website about a sleep training program to try.  There were so many testimonies about people who started the program and got their babies sleeping through the night within the first or second night (whaaaaat??!) I figured I have NOTHING to lose at this point, so I purchased the program and started binge watching all the videos about how to sleep train.  The basic principle is this:
Babies go through sleep cycles of Deep (REM) sleep and light (Non REM) sleep every 30-45 minutes.  They don't know how to get back to sleep after they wake from the REM sleep, so they start crying.  If they are picked up/rocked/given a pacifier/etc. when they wake, they never learn the skill of putting themselves back to sleep.  This results in the toddlers who are out of bed every 10 minutes wanting water or coming to your bedroom.. they can't go back to sleep without assistance.  So my job was to set a schedule and be consistent with it.  If the twins cried the entire time they were in their cribs for nap, that's ok because they are learning/practicing how to put themselves to sleep.  I found the master schedule for their age group and began on Monday (12/4).  And it was terrible.  They both cried throughout every single nap.  It was loud, heart wrenching, and so so hard to get through.. but I just put my headphones in and binge watched the training videos and reminded myself why I was doing what I was doing.  I was just about ready to give up on it by bedtime.. but amazingly enough, Londyn slept through the night with the exception of night time feedings and she was IN HER CRIB.  That's right!! Not a rock-n-play, not in my arms, not screaming every 30 minutes to be rocked for an hour in the middle of the night.. she just slept right on through! And Xander didn't wake up once!! So the claim about them sleeping through the night on night 1 was real!! Immediately I was back on the sleep training wagon and we continued on to day 2.  Each day they cried a little bit less during nap, and slept through the night except for feedings.  That brings us to today, day 5 of sleep training.  They are to the point now that they start getting tired about 10 minutes before the set nap times, and when I lay them in their cribs for nap, they go right to sleep with no rocking, shushing, singing, yelling, begging, etc.!! They do still wake up and cry in the middle of nap but they are getting so much better at putting themselves back to sleep.  The challenge now is learning how to sleep through each other's crying.  Right now, if one screams loud and long enough, it wakes the other up.. and then they are both crying.  Once they learn this skill and master their daily schedule, my job will be super easy!! Many people don't agree with the "cry it out" method.. and if you think I'm a bad mom for putting my kids through it, I'm ok with that.  This training is maybe a week out of their entire lives, and it teaches them the lifelong skill of how to SLEEP.  And I'm not being ugly to them anymore, nor am I on the verge of tears before lunch time.  This is not a popular method of training for many mothers, but it works for us and that's all that matters!!
So, here we are!! Will is back to work, the twins are operating on a schedule, I'm officially a stay at home mom, and things are trucking right along! Here's to month #4!

                                    Sleeping in their OWN room through the night!! Sleep Training win!!

                  Our Family 12/01/17

Monthly Pictures 1, 2, and 3!

1 month old

Sheeww!! Who knew our lives could change so drastically in just one short month!  Things have been crazy at the Powell house!  Xander came home from the NICU on 9/20, and we've been getting tag teamed ever since.  I'm only half kidding :-) We try to keep them on the same schedule, so if one baby fusses, we wake the other up to feed and change at the same time.  This works pretty well in allowing us to get a good 3 hours of sleep/housekeeping increments.  I will say this though, there is NO way I could do it alone.  Having Will home for his 11 week paternity leave has been crucial.  We usually each take a baby and feed/change so they start/finish at the same time.  If that's not possible, one of us will feed/change one baby and immediately feed/change the other afterwards.  I've gotten brave a few times and fed at the same time, but that's kind of scary because if one starts choking, it's hard to immediately sit them up when you have another baby laying there eating.  I guess I can mention that they are formula fed babies.  My entire pregnancy, I was convinced I would breastfeed.  I had read the books, I bought the essentials, I went to the classes, I rented the pump.  I was ready!! And then Xander went to the NICU, so I pumped milk for him instead.  Then Londyn wouldn't latch.  She would scream and scream no matter what we did.  The one time we did get her to latch, she fed for 30 minutes.. then the nurse checked her blood sugar and freaked because it was so low.  Apparently she didn't get anything from that feeding and hadn't eaten in like 5 hours.  Then I had the blood pressure issues and had to be put on medication.  Then the Bell's Palsy and the stress.  I wasn't eating, and my milk supply was dwindling.  Every drop I produced went to Xander in the NICU.  The lactation consultant said that Londyn was just too premature to latch and encouraged me to pump and feed until they reached full term, then try breastfeeding again.  So I rented the hospital pump to try that.  Well, after 4 weeks of pumping, I still only produced about 2 ounces every session.  And now the babies are both eating about 4 ounces each feeding,  so I would pump for an entire day and still only make enough for one feeding per day.  It was so painful and it got to the point where I would start crying before I ever even turned on the pump.  I was so unhappy and stressed, and still couldn't provide enough to even make it worth it.  So I made the decision to gain back my sanity, stop pumping, and go strictly formula.  This was definitely NOT an easy decision and not at all what I had planned.  But, as the NICU nurse said, FED is best. 

Another interesting thing that happened in the twins' first month is this weird rash they passed to each other.  About 2 days after X came home from the NICU, we noticed a bump on Londyn's eyebrow.  We thought she had been bit by a mosquito. Well then Will gave her a bath and we noticed many more bumps all over her body.  I thought it was baby acne, but it kept getting worse, so we took her to the doctor.  The doctor kept using words like "strange" and "interesting".  He said it looked like a normal newborn rash... but the weird thing was she wasn't a newborn.  She was almost 3 weeks old when it appeared.  He said "Frankly, I don't know what it could be."  ...... wait what?! So he popped one of the pustules and sent it to be cultured.  Turns out, it was an extremely rare bacteria called Acentobacter Lwoffi.  It's so rare, the nurse had to google it.  Apparently it's common in intensive care facilities and occurs in immunocompromised patients.  We are thinking she got it because A) she's a preemie and B) she's not breastfed.  So she probably picked it up from the hospital, it stayed in her system for a while, and her little immune system couldn't solve it on its own.  So she had to take oral antibiotics and an antibiotic  topical cream 3X/day for 7 days.  She finished the treatment and now just has little scabs on her that we are waiting for to heal.  But in true twin fashion, a day or so after Londyn finished treatment, guess what we noticed on Xander.  That's right: the same weird bump that was on his sister.  The next day he had more.  So here we go back to the doctor!!! They didn't biopsy any on him, they just assumed it was the same infection.  He doesn't have to take oral antibiotics but he is currently 2 days into the topical cream treatment.  His bumps look pretty gnarly right now but we are hoping they run the same course as sister and are gone in about a week. 

Thankfully, most of my health issues have resolved.  My blood pressure is back to normal and I am off medication.  My swelling is gone and I am only 3 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight.  The Bell's Palsy is about 95% healed.  The only lingering effects are my smile is still slightly lopsided and my eye is still a little slow to blink.. but you would never notice it unless I told you.  I am still hopeful that it will heal 100% but I am extremely thankful that I healed as fully and as quickly as I did.

Well, that's our first month in a nutshell!  It's been stressful, exciting, scary, interesting, and so so so full of love!!  Here's to month #2!

 Tummy Time!! Daddy participated :-)

 Our one month picture... not exactly how it looked on Pinterest!!

 Xander Man hangin out

Londy-Lou making her famous duck face

Xander and Londyn's Birth Story

Hey there friends!
Well, the twins are officially a week old!  It's been a crazy week, but I am finally finding the time to sit down and blog about the wild story that was the birth of  Xander and Londyn.

Let me preface this by reminding you, I am not one to sugar coat anything.  I'm going to go ahead and tell you that this story is not warm and fuzzy and sundrops and butterflies.  I don't want to come off as ungrateful or negative.. especially to friends in my infertility circle that would kill to bring babies into this world.  I love my kids more than anything and I would go through this all again if it meant having them here and healthy.  That's the most important thing.  So please remember as you read this that I am eternally grateful and blessed for the opportunity to bring these babies into the world, no matter how it happened!!

Ok, so when I last blogged, I had been placed in the hospital for pre eclampsia.  I was there for about a week, staring at the walls, trying to get comfortable, stressing about everything that still needed to be done at home.  Pretty boring stuff.  Until September 7th.  That Thursday, I woke up in so much pain.  The worst period cramps you could ever imagine.  I couldn't sit for more than 5 minutes, I couldn't talk, couldn't eat.. all I could think about was how much pain I was in.   I couldn't wait for the doctor to come so I could ask him about it.  So per usual they hooked me to the contraction monitor, and I happened to doze off for like, 30 minutes.  Which is of course when the doctor came in.  He didn't even wake me up.. he just walked out and told the nurse to monitor me as usual.  I didn't even know he had come, so I was waiting and waiting until finally I asked the nurse at 2pm when he was coming and she told me he had come and gone at 9am.  I was pissed and started crying and told her how I was feeling, and she called him and told him I needed to see him.  While we were waiting, my parents and Will came to visit and they were all super concerned about me being in labor.  Remember, I can NOT labor with a TAC.  Well, the doctor finally comes at 6:45pm and basically says oh this is normal for your gestation with twins, your not dilated, basically suck it up until the 13th.  My mom took him in the hallway and was telling him how serious this was and that I needed to have the c section immediately, and he refused.  So needless to say we were all furious, I was so upset, and still in horrendous pain.  Around 8pm everyone leaves because it's obvious he's going to make me suffer for another 4 days until my scheduled c section date.  The nurse put me on the contraction monitor and said it would stay on for me to be monitored throughout the night.  Around 11pm I hit my breaking point.  I was literally writhing in the bed in pain at this point.  So I call in the nurse and she looks at the monitor and says I am contracting every 3 minutes.  She goes out and calls the doctor, then comes back and says we are doing the c section tonight.  I panic and call Will and my parents, who have to rush back to the hospital.  They start filling my IV with fluids (I've had the IV in for over a week for no reason) and it immediately starts leaking all over the place.  So this 7 day IV that they've kept in for this exact reason has to be taken out and I have to get a new one in the other arm.  Before I know it  I am being wheeled to the OR for the epidural.  We get to the room and I assume the position, and the girl can't find the correct place for the medicine.  Everytime she injects the medicine, I feel it to the right side of my body.  She keeps asking if I feel it "in the center" and I keep telling her no.  So she tries 3 times and I start hyperventilating.  I feel like I haven't drank anything in a year, I feel like its 200 degrees, I feel like I can't stay hunched over for 1 more second, I feel like it's been an hour.  So I start crying and begging for ice chips and asking over and over how much longer it's going to be.  Finally a different person tries my spinal.  I remember biting down on my hand as hard as I possibly could to make myself calm down and be still.  He got it on the first try and my lower body immediately goes numb.  It's at this point that I start asking for Will.  Everyone keeps telling me they haven't seen him and that they are looking but he's not here yet.  I ask for my phone but they say I can't have it but check it for me and say there is no missed calls.  Then the doctor says that this is an emergency and we can't wait.  So he does the c section and I'm alone and scared.  At 12:57am.. I heard the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life.. my baby's cry.  All 6lb3oz and 18in of her.  I immediately started bawling.  Then a minute later my baby boy came, weighing in at 6lb5oz and 20in long.  They started working on them both and the nurse took pictures as I got closed up.  I started shaking uncontrollably and the nurse said it was from the spinal.  It felt like an eternity before they were finished closing because I was by myself.  I just kept thinking it wasn't supposed to be like this, why didn't the doctor listen, Will just missed the birth of his twins.  I was sad and happy and scared and hot and thirsty and wanted my husband more than anything.  Finally, Xander and Londyn were taken to the nicu and I was wheeled back to the room, where my parents and Will's mom were waiting for me.  Once again I asked for Will and was told he had rushed down to the nicu, and he was furious.  Will got there 15 minutes after I called him.  During our hospital tour, they told us that the husbands wait in the room and someone comes to get them after they are finished with the spinal.  So that is where he was waiting the entire time.. and no one came to get him.  Apparently the doctor saw him on the way to the nicu and tried to congratulate him.  When he put his hand on Will's shoulder, Will yanked in away and said he was doing everything in his power not to punch him in his throat.  Will filed a complaint with the hospital about the doctor and the nurses and the whole situation.  The nurse told me I could go see the babies as soon as the spinal wore off, so until then Will was sending me pictures and I was eating my long awaited ice chips.  After about 2 hours we went down to see the babies.  I was able to hold, feed, and burp Londyn and was told she would be released to me the next day.  Xander had more fluid on his lungs and was having breathing/blood sugar/body temp issues, so he was placed in an incubater and given oxygen and an IV.  I was so overwhelmed, shocked, and exhausted after seeing the babies and Will.  We went back to the room and I passed out.

The next day I woke up and was still in shock.  I had 2 babies!! And they are alive and well!! They brought Londyn to the room and Will and I started our journey as parents.  We visited Xander in the nicu and were basically just figuring things out and staring at our precious baby on this day.

2 days after the twins' birth is when things started going wonky.  I woke up that morning and my legs were swollen beyond belief.  My feet were so swollen that I couldn't walk.  The nurse took my blood pressure and it was 151/98.  It continued to be that high throughout the day.  The doctor said I was having the aftereffects of pre eclampsia.  It was scary, but not as scary as the other thing that happened that day.  I was brushing my teeth that morning and noticed it felt really weird when I spit.  Like I just had a cavity filled.  I looked up in the mirror and noticed when I tried to smile or blink, the right side of my face didn't quite respond correctly.  I have heard of a few people I know getting Bell's Palsy, so I knew immediately what it was.  I called the nurse, who called the doctor, who confirmed the diagnosis.  Bell's Palsy.  On that day, it wasn't terribly noticable.  Maybe a little lopsided smile and an eye that was a tiny bit slower to blink, but not bad.  However, it continued to worsen over the next 48 hours, to the point that I'm at now: the right side of my face is completely paralyzed.  Do you know how difficult it is to finally have the babies we have waited 7 years for.. who everyone wants to visit and snuggle and who you want to show off more than anything in the world.. but can't now because you are so self conscious about your face.. which stresses you out.. which sends your blood pressure through the roof again?! It's awful.  I'm beginning to accept it now, but I'm still not comfortable being around people.  I honestly want to lock my doors and hide out in my house until it goes away.  All I can do is pray that happens soon.

So that is pretty much where we are now.  Will and I are over the moon ecstatic to be parents and so in love with our kids.  Having Londyn at home is the greatest blessing from God.  She is a complete daddy's girl already.  Xander is still in the nicu and we wish he was home more than anything.. but he is improving every day and we are so grateful for that.  He should be home very soon!  I am on blood pressure medicine now and it has helped my pressures significantly.  My swelling is gone and my body is starting to feel normal again.  I am still dealing with the Bell's Palsy, but I hear it takes anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months to recover from.  For me its been 6 days.  I'm hoping I heal closer to 2 weeks than 6 months.. but it's completely out of my control so I'm trying not to stress about it.

So there it is folks!  The birth story of my long awaited, prayed for, cried over, paid thousands of dollars for, wasn't sure I would ever get, extremely loved twin babies.  Is it a perfect story? no.  Is it how I envisioned the joyous experience of giving birth? hell no.  Am I struggling right now? absolutely.  But coming from someone who has given birth before with a much different, way more horrific outcome...the most important thing remains the same.   Xander and Londyn are here.  They are perfect.  We are parents.  And I am in love!

   Last Pregnant Picture!  35w1d.  Babies born 35w2d

 Baby B: Xander James Powell 6lb5oz 20in

 Baby A: Londyn Mae Powell 6lb3oz 18in

 Because Will missed the birth, nicu allowed us to take Londyn to visit her brother so we could see them side by side.  Such a blessing!

 Londyn Mae 2 days old

 Xander James in Nicu 7 days old

 Londyn Mae 7 days old

 Londyn after her first bath! That hair..

 Xander is oxygen free at 8 days old.  So ready to have him home!

I'll continue to update this blog as we continue this journey as parents.  I feel like I've taken it this far and people are still reading.. so why stop now?!  Hopefully the next time I blog, Xander will be home, I'll be recovered from Bell's Palsy, and life will take on some sort of normalcy.  Thank you all so much for following me and supporting me on this road we have been on since 2011.  I'm so excited to share this new chapter with you!!

Home Stretch

Hi friends!

Well, I thought I wouldn't be blogging until the twins were born.  I didn't think there would be much to talk about until then.. just riding out those last 4 weeks until our c-section date.  Well, I was wrong!! Here's what has happened since I last blogged..

2 weeks ago, we had our regularly scheduled weekly appointment.  They took my blood pressure, took a urine sample, got my weight, and did the ultrasound.  The usuals.  Well, at the end of the appointment, they had me go back again to recheck my blood pressure.  Which was weird because they had never done that before.  They said it was a little high the first time they took it, but the second time it was fine.  I didn't think anything of it.  Well then we went back on Thursday for our next appointment.  They took my blood pressure, and then retook it immediately after.  I was like oh crap.  So then we did all the usuals again, and at the end, the actual doctor took my blood pressure.  He said it was high.  Then he looked at my urine sample and said it was +1 protein.. pre eclampsia.  Basically, pre  eclampsia is when you have high blood pressure during pregnancy that can become dangerously high very quickly, putting you and your babies' life in danger.  Mine wasn't nearly high enough to be a major concern, but because I'm high risk already and because of my past, doc was concerned.  He started talking about collecting urine for 24 hours at home (pee in a jug and then bring it to the office the next day).. but the more he thought about it, the more he realized he wasn't comfortable doing that either.  So finally he says "you're going to hate me... but I want to put you in the hospital overnight for monitoring."  He talked like it would be a 24 hour thing.  He even joked that Will and I could turn it into a fun movie night.  So we go home and pack me an overnight bag and head to the hospital.  They put this hat type thing in the toilet for me to pee in and then dump it in this jug for 24 hours.  They also checked my blood pressure every 4 hours and put the babies on the heart monitor/me on a contraction monitor every 10 or so hours.  They asked me if  I was contracting and I told them no.. but apparently the monitor was picking up contractions every 20 minutes or so.  I got freaked out when she said that, but she assured me it's normal for a twin pregnancy at this gestation, and since I wasn't in any pain (didn't feel them at all) she wasn't concerned.  So there I was, peeing in a jug, getting my blood pressure checked, and hearing my babies heartbeats for 24 hours. The babies were doing awesome (as usual!!) contractions were fine, blood pressures looked good (enough), and all my bloodwork came back normal.  All the nurses and doctors thought I would be going home the next day.  Well, then the results of my 24 hour urine collection came back.  The protein in my urine needed to be under 300 to be discharged... and it came back as 385.  Ahhhhhh!!!! So my doctor said I'm stuck here under observation until delivery.  I have to continue with the blood pressure, heart beat, and contraction monitoring every day.  I don't have to pee in a jug anymore, so that's a positive... Will said "you already failed that test, there's no make up tests, so of course you don't have to do that anymore!!" lol.. he has a way with words!

So here I am!  Stuck in the hospital cooking these little boogers.  The good news is, my doctor thinks we still have a really good chance of making it to our scheduled c-section date of 36 weeks.  And honestly, I'm glad to be here.  I really was getting stressed at home, worrying about if I was having contractions or going into labor and not knowing it.. then waiting too long to go to the hospital and getting myself in an emergency situation because of the cerclage.  So being constantly monitored puts my little Type A mind at ease.  Speaking of being type A.. I'm so glad I had already packed my hospital bag and the diaper bag!! It made it really easy for Will to grab and come, without me trying to remember 100 things for him to bring me.  I'm definitely missing my bed and seriously having withdrawals from my dog.. but ya'll.. we are having babies in 10 days!!!!

Today I got the first round of steroid shots for the babies' lungs.  Since they will be 4 or possibly 5 weeks premature, their lungs might not be 100% developed at delivery.  The steroid shots give their little lungs a jump start in the womb and helps them develop quicker, in the hopes that they will be fully developed at delivery and not need help breathing (aka NICU time).  My doctor actually said most babies don't really need it after 34 weeks, but it can't hurt.  So I got round 1 today and will get round 2 tomorrow.  The shot didn't hurt at all (said the IVF patient who has stuck herself with thousands of needles over the past 5 years).. but the side effects.. OMG! A few hours after the shot I was laying in the bed watching TV when all of a sudden, my legs went numb.  Like the feeling you get when a body part falls asleep.  I was like ... umm.... ?!?!? I also started feeling contractions for the first time.  So when my nurse came in she asked if everything was going good and I was like UM NO MY LEGS ARE NUMB. I thought it was a symptom of my pre eclamsia escalating.. but she said it was probably the babies laying on my sciatic nerve.  But then she looked at my chart and was like "OH, you had the steroid shot today! That's what it's from.  It can also cause you to contract more."  I felt better knowing the shot was the cause, and not something going wrong that would cause me to deliver early.  But then she said "It's also going to make it pretty impossible to sleep tonight, and also tomorrow night since you are getting another round tomorrow."  Well she definitely wasn't kidding.. I'm blogging this at 12:19am and it might as well be 11am because I am wiiideee awake.  Like I feel like I could run a marathon right now... oh wait my legs are numb.

:::sigh::: 10 days yall.

Milestone 4.. check!

Hi everyone! Officially completed:
Milestone 4: Week 32 early preterm: odds of survival are very good with little NICU time 
Sorry for the late post.. lately it's been getting difficult to do much of anything besides change positions on the recliner.  I feel like all I'm doing these days is packing on pounds as my belly gets bigger and bigger..... and bigger.  I keep reminding myself how BLESSED I am, as I struggle to dry my legs after getting out of the shower and hesitate to eat or drink anything because I know the heartburn will be 7th level of Hell torture.  Oh pregnancy.. I love you!
Let's see.. so since I last blogged, we've had a couple more doctor's appointments.  We had one on 8/3 with the only high risk doctor I hadn't met yet.  He was really nice, but he threw us off because he said he wanted to do the c-section at 36 weeks!  We have been planning for 37 the entire time, which is 9/20.  His plan was to take them at 36, which is 9/13.  We slightly panicked because this was earlier than anticipated, but he said the average delivery for twins is 35 weeks, and he felt like if I got the steroid shots to develop their lungs quicker, they would be fine.  So, just as we started getting used to the new delivery date, we had another appointment.  This one was with the head of the department, who we had met with several times.  He said that since babies are doing well and I haven't had any issues with contractions or anything, that we would still plan to deliver at 37 weeks.  He said that the babies at 37 weeks would be 99% ready for the outside world and most likely would not have any NICU time.  His goal is for us to bring babies home with us when I am discharged, instead of having to leave one or both in the NICU.  So, back to the 9/20 date.  We were slightly disappointed because we are so ready to meet these babies (and I am soooooooo ready to be finished with this pregnancy), but I also want them to be as healthy as possible when they get here, so I'm ok with 37 weeks.  But, we have weekly monitoring appointments from here on out to ensure they are growing and thriving with no complications.  So, it's a waiting game at this point!
We've had some fun and not so fun things happening since I last blogged.  First, we did the 4D ultrasound to get a better look at the babes and let me tell you, it was so much fun!! As expected, they were both head down and fighting for space.  Londyn was super photogenic.  When we first saw her, she was sound asleep with her mouth open, just like mama sleeps, ha!! She showed us some grins and stuck her tongue out a few times.  Xander was being a lot more stubborn about his picture being taken (typical man).  He would not move his hands from in front of his face!  He constantly had his palm on his forehead like he had a headache.  He had his fists by his face and at one point he even flipped us off (daddy's child).  We are definitely going to have to put mittens on his hands when he gets here, or he will scratch his face to pieces!!  We also found out that they both have heads full of lots of hair!!  We got some stuffed animals with their heartbeats and lots of cute pictures of them.  Seeing their sweet faces made us so much more excited to finally meet them and have them here!!
Another thing Will and I attempted to do this past week was some fun date stuff that we always do!  Since we won't have any time to do anything once the twins are here, we figured we would do as much as we can now.  We bought tickets to one of our favorite artists, Aaron Lewis, back in February.  It was surreal, because I clearly remember Will buying them and him telling me the date of the concert, and me saying "holy cow Will!! I'll be 32 weeks pregnant!!" and immediately wondering if I would even still be pregnant, or if something would go wrong again.  I was about 5 weeks pregnant and  the time and can honestly say I couldn't picture myself being 32 weeks pregnant.  It seemed impossible we would make it that far without disaster striking again.  But alas, there we were!! 32 weeks pregnant, trying to be cute but looking like a tent, enjoying the concert.  The babies were moving like crazy the entire time and I was just so happy and kept thinking "I can't believe this is finally here".  So then the next day was the first Titans game!! It's hard to believe, but I was even more excited about this than the concert.  Going to Titans games is our absolute favorite thing to do.  So here I go getting ready for the game in my normal gameday attire: distressed jeans, Brian Orakpo jersey, converse shoes.  Same thing, new season. Right?? WRONG.  First I tried to put on the pre-pregnancy jeans... hahahahahahahahaha. hahahaha!! Then I tried my maternity shorts.  NOPE.. also too small now.  Yoga pants? Wrong.  The waistband was digging into my waist, or what's left of my waist.  So I settled on my maternity jeans that are a size that was insulting to me when I bought them 2 months ago.  Ok, on to the orakpo jersey.  Keep in mind that this jersey was big enough for me to fit a hoodie under last year and still have plenty of room.  I tried to put it on and literally could not get it past my belly button. Ok that's being generous... I couldn't hardly get it past my neck.  Ya'll... I cried.  I had to settle on a blue maternity shirt.  And tennis shoes?! With these swollen feet?! Didn't even attempt it.  So I threw on my flip flops and headed out the door.  It only gets worse from there.  We get to our seats and it is BLAZING hot.  It's only 90 but it feels like 120 to me.  The game starts and we are doing our usual cheering and screaming and jumping up and down.  Well, with about 5 minutes left in the 1st quarter, I start feeling hot. Like, super hot.  My clothes are sticking to me, I can feel sweat pouring down my body.  So I tell Will I need to get some water and we both go to the bathroom.  I go in there and my pants are literally stuck to me.  My face is beet red.  I put some cold water on my face to try to cool down.  Then I have the idea that if I just change into some shorts, I'll be cooler and be okay.  So I tell Will and we head down to the Titans Locker Room store.  Which is on the COMPLETE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE STADIUM.. at least a 20 minute walk in the blazing heat.  I did okay for about 10 minutes.. then my feet started feeling heavy, I felt like I couldn't take a deep breath, I felt like I was 105 degrees.  We finally make it to the store and I can't even shop.  I had to go to the corner and sit on the floor.  At this point Will is starting to panic a little.  I told him I couldn't make it back to our seats but I also didn't feel like I could make it to the car either.  I was literally just STUCK in the corner with absolutely no air conditioning in the 100 degree heat, totally unable to cool myself down.  I knew if I tried to walk for a long distance, I would pass out.  So, Will and I walk to the EMT truck (we had already seen them cart 10 people out due to the heat) and asked if he could give us a ride to our truck.  He said he couldn't because they were getting so many calls to get people out of the stadium.  But he said Will could drive the truck to the gate and I was allowed to go to a the press box because it was the only place with AC.  I couldn't even go to the first aid room because they were so busy with overheated people. So 20 minutes later Will pulls up and we go home and watch the rest of the game on TV.. talk about an EPIC FAIL!!! Needless to say, I am going to be even more posted up in the recliner in the AC than I was before.  Hot Mess!!! Hey, at least the Titans won!
Alright, so now we are really just waiting for our little chickens to be ready to hatch!  Their diaper bag is packed, our hospital bag is ready to go, carseats and stroller in the car.  Every major thing is done.. luckily.. because apparently I can't do anything else without coming dangerously close to death.  Pregnancy is hard ya'll.  But I really am honored to be able to carry these babies for such a long time.  I'll take being miserable over having them struggle in the NICU due to being born too early ANY. DAY. But at the same time... I really hope this month FLIES by!! We really only have one milestone left.  Can you believe that it is a very real possibility that the next time I blog, it will be about the birth of Xander and Londyn.  How freaking crazy is that?!?!!?!?!? Here are their pictures from the 4d ultrasound.  Maybe the next blog will be their newborn pictures to compare?!!

Next Milestone:  Milestone 5: Week 36 late preterm: twins are often born this week!! 

Keep us in your prayers as we finish out this exciting chapter!

 Londyn Mae.. with her cute little grin!!

 Xander James.. the best picture he would allow us to get

 How Xander spends most of his time.. fist in front of face!!

Milestone 3 complete!!

YaY!! last week we reached milestone 3: Week 28 very early preterm: odds of survival are good, but with long NICU stay.  My husband said it best when he said "every day after 20 weeks is a party."  At this point in the pregnancy, I can feel them moving around like crazy, and that takes away so much of my stress.  Just when I begin to panic, I feel a quick kick to the ribs or a weird rolling sensation and know they are doing fine!  As promised, we have done so many things since I've last blogged!

We've had 2 ultrasounds since my last post.. 1 on July 5th and another on July 19th to do a growth scan, check my vitals, and check on Londyn's heart.  The good news is, the skipping of her heart is no longer present!  We listened and watched 5 different times and it was not present on any of the scans.  She seems to have grown out of it.. yay!  But in true twin fashion, as soon as she was cleared, Xander presented a problem.  Apparently, he has a dilated ureter.  This means he has a narrowing of his ureter, which is causing a slight backup in his left kidney.  The doctor said this could be a blockage, a kink, or a birth defect.  We checked it again on the July 19th ultrasound and it was still present with no real change.  Just like with Londyn, the doctor isn't concerned with this problem at all.  He said 95% of the time, babies grow out of this issue before birth, or a few weeks after.  He said if the ureter is still dilated at our 35 week ultrasound, he will refer us to a pediatric urologist to discuss the testing X will need after birth to determine if he will need surgery.  I'm glad it's not a serious issue, but I do hope he grows out of it.. no one wants their baby undergoing surgery before their first birthday!  So, I'll keep you updated on that front.  As for me, my vitals have been good!  Blood pressure and weight have been right on track.  I took the glucose challenge test and a blood test to check for anemia during our July 19th appointment and are waiting for the results from that.. but so far everything looks okay!

We have also done a bunch of hospital classes since my last post!  Over the past 2 weeks, Will and I have taken a breastfeeding class, a hospital tour, a multiples class, and infant CPR.  All of these were done at Centennial, where we will be delivering.  All of the classes were super informative and I feel very comfortable with the hospital and staff.  We were able to visit the labor and delivery rooms, the nursery, even the NICU!  We were also given pre-registration instructions.  It's still surreal to me that next week I will be registering for a c-section to deliver 2 healthy babies.

So now for some fun stuff!!  On July 18th we did a maternity photo shoot and it was amazing!! Our location was on a beautiful farm that Will was obsessed with.. I swear if that house was for sale we would be moving this week.  But man.. it was BLAZING hot.  By the time we finished I was literally drenched in sweat, red faced, frizzy haired, and exhausted.  I was nervous they wouldn't look good.. but our photographer was amazing and she made them look absolutely beautiful.  We have only seen a few so far, and will get the full set of pictures sometime next week.  I am so excited to see them!! This will most likely be the only time I will ever be pregnant, so to have these memories captured in this way is priceless to me.  I am so ready to get their newborn photos taken, not to mention Christmas cards, family photo shoots... she has definitely earned a lifetime customer in me.  Poor Will.. he hates taking pictures.. too bad so sad, lol!

On July 22nd we had our baby shower!! Oh my gosh, it was SO MUCH FUN!! I've basically been planning my baby shower on a secret pinterest board for about 5 years now, so to actually be able to create it was a surreal feeling.  My mom basically put the whole thing together, she was amazing.  All of our family and closest friends came to celebrate, and X and L got some of the cutest outfits ever.  They also got a ton of books and lots of diapers.  I think the cutest thing was the family squad shirts my sister-in-law had made for X and L's whole family.  Everyone is going to wear them to the hospital when they're born.  I told them they are going to look like the cast of the hangover walking through the doors, lol!  X and L even got their own squad onesies!

Sorry for the long post, but we have been super busy this month!! Things will definitely start slowing down event-wise as this month draws to a close.  It's getting harder and harder to move around or be busy for long periods of time, especially in this brutal heat.  But, we will still be busy with doctor's appointments!  We have one 8/3, another 8/17.. and after that we will start going once a week, and eventually twice a week.  We are also meeting with the twins' pediatrician on 8/3, and have a fun 4D ultrasound on 8/12!  So, if we aren't going to some sort of doctor's appointment, you'll probably find me sitting in a recliner in the air conditioning.

Our next milestone is Milestone 4: Week 32 early preterm: odds of survival are very good with little NICU time.  We will reach this milestone on 8/16.  However, a personal milestone for me is reaching 30 weeks.  It's just something about being out of the 20's that is going to feel like a huge deal to me.  We will basically be celebrating by completing the nursery and getting the 4D ultrasound.  I am super excited about this, because now that the twins are bigger, it's harder to see them at our appointments.  Mostly, it just looks like a big blob on the screen.  Sometimes We'll catch sight of an arm or legs, but mostly it's just measurements and heartbeats.  So we are excited to see their sweet faces and connect with our sweet babies!!

Thanks for reading!! Here are some pictures of our maternity shoot and our baby shower!  I'll blog again when we reach our 4th milestone, 32 weeks!

Touchdown!! Milestone 2 complete!

LET'S CELEBRATE!!

I am 24 weeks today!!  I don't think I can fully express the gravity of this milestone.  I was a person who went into active labor at 20 weeks, and was told that there was literally nothing that could be done for me or my babies.  The medications used to stop labor were ineffective until 23 weeks, and babies born before 24 weeks can not be saved.  But, hey, we will give you some IV fluids to hydrate you!! To be told that your body was failing your babies and there is literally nothing you can do, is the most helpless, gut wrenching feeling a human can experience.  So, here we are today at 24 weeks.  For me, this means that I CAN get the medicine to stop contractions if they start.  The doctors will be able to stop labor and avoid disaster instead of looking me in the face with pity and saying "we can't do anything".  And even if they can't stop labor with medication, the doctors will do everything in their power to save my babies if they were to arrive tomorrow.  This milestone means Xander and Londyn have a fighting chance, no matter what happens.  It's a deep breath I can take, and gives me a little more reassurance to just relax a little bit, because these babies are coming home!!

The first thing we did to celebrate this milestone was have an ultrasound!  Little known fact, babies conceived via IVF are at higher risk for heart defects/abnormalities.  Because of this, my high risk doctor recommended echocardiograms for the twins to make sure everything looks ok.  This ended up being a 2 hour ultrasound because both babies were being crazy wiggleworms the entire time!! She said she was fighting both of them the whole time trying to get all the pictures, haha! The good news is both hearts are structurally perfect.  The not so good news is that Londyn has a little skipping thing going on with her heart.  Sometimes her heart will double beat.  The doctor said this is a super common problem that she will most likely grow out of.  He said he would be concerned if the skipping was consistent (ex: every 5 beats) or if she had an accelerated heart rate (upwards of 200).  Her heart rate was 149 and the skip is inconsistent.. it actually didn't even skip at all when the doctor looked at it.. only when the ultrasound tech was listening!  So, he said it's nothing to be concerned about.  Hopefully it is gone by our next appointment. 

The second thing we did to celebrate was finalize baby shower stuff!! Will's work is throwing us a baby shower on June 27th, and our baby shower will be July 22nd.  We are doing a vintage winnie the pooh theme (their nursery theme) so we are in the process of getting the food ideas, cake and game ideas, finishing up the registry, and sending out the invites.  I can't wait to collect baby things, and learn how to use them!

Our next appointment is on July 5th.  We will do another growth scan on the munchkins and check on Londyn's heart.  Our next milestone goal is Milestone 3: Week 28 very early preterm: odds of survival are good, but with long NICU stay.  We will reach this goal on July 19th, and we will celebrate by having a maternity photo shoot and (of course) the baby shower!!

I'll post again with lots to report after our baby shower!  Until then, enjoy this big belly, ha!

20w5d

Well folks, here we are.  20 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  The day Zoey Jane and Piper Ivy entered and exited the world.  It's been pretty surreal for the past few weeks, if I'm being honest.  For example, last week Will and I went grocery shopping, and I clearly remember thinking:  At this point last time, I was in Vanderbilt, hooked up to contraction monitoring machines and IV's and in Trendelenburg position, scared out of my mind.  And here I am today loading and unloading groceries.  Each day I have woken up, remembering the events of that gestational age with the girls.  This is the day I was put on bedrest.  This is the day I was bused by ambulance to Vandy.  This is the day I was sent home with a 'good luck'.  Until finally, today, the day the girls died.  Ironically, we had an ultrasound today.  Totally unplanned for it to be on THIS particular day, but here we were.  I didn't know what to expect, because I obviously never made it to a 20 week ultrasound.  The first thing she did was measure my cervix.  The average length for a singleton pregnancy is 3cm, for twins it is usually shorter.  With the girls, I was 1.8 at 18 weeks, 0.8 at 19 weeks, and then no cervix at all until eventually I dialated and lost them.  Just giving that information for comparison.. because my length today was a whopping 3.95cm!! The doctor said it is "nice and long" with "no problems indicated".  I can not tell you how amazing those words were, and how cool it is to see this abdominal cerclage doing it's thing.. saving my babies!!

Speaking of babies... Xander and Londyn are perfect!! He said they are both "thriving" in there, with only a 3% growth descrepancy between them, with X being a little bit bigger.  He is only concerned if the discrepency is in the 20-30% range, so these nuggets are good as gold :)

The only thing my doctor did talk to me about that was on the negative side was preterm labor.  He basically said that if my body were to go into labor, it would be extremely risky with the abdominal cerclage because the babies are trying to go to the birth canal, but they can't.  So, if they can't stop contractions, my uterus could rupture, I could have internal bleeding, I would need an immediate c-section, etc.  He said I need to be really careful and aware of my body, and monitor contractions if I have them, and come in IMMEDIATELY.  Luckily (unluckily?) I know exactly what contractions feel like at this point in the pregnancy, because of the girls.  It's hard to forget feeling those contractions and knowing your world was about to collapse.  So I know for a hard fact that I have not had any contractions thus far.  I am making sure I drink a TON of water and stay off my feet as much as possible.  At the end of this scary conversation he said "but to be honest I have a really good feeling about this pregnancy and foresee you delivering closer to 36-37 weeks with no problems."  Music to my ears!!

So, it's officially official, I no longer have a previous pregnancy to compare this one to.  Uncharted waters people!!  Our next ultrasound is 6/20, where we will be doing fetal echocardiograms on X and L.  A lovely 2 hour appointment :-)

In one of my (many) twin pregnancy books, it talks about splitting your pregnancy into milestones.  Thinking of each milestone as a "Touchdown", and visualizing every touchdown as being one step closer to winning the big game: bringing home 2 healthy babies as the trophy!  The milestones are as follows:

Milestone 1: week 20 pregnancy is no longer a "miscarraige" but "infant death" (and- past the girls' birth age! I threw that part in there)

Milestone 2: week 24 border of viability.  Life saving measures will be taken if babies are born at this time or later

Milestone 3: Week 28 very early preterm: odds of survival are good, but with long NICU stay

Milestone 4: Week 32 early preterm: odds of survival are very good with little NICU time

Milestone 5: Week 36 late preterm: twins are often born this week!!

Milestone 6: Week 39 full term for twins

So, right now we are working on milestone 2, which we will reach June 21st, right after our ultrasound!  So I will probably blog again at that point.  Until then, here are my little munchkins! Baby A- Londyn Mae                                   Baby B- Xander James

Surprise!

Hi everyone!

Well, today I made a big announcement, I am 13 weeks pregnant with twins! Since I haven't posted anything since my last miscarraige (I actually had to go back and look at the last thing I posted... it's been forever!) I feel like I have A LOT to catch you up on.  I hope you have a lot of stamina because this is going to be a long one!

So, after the d&c in June, I was done.  I was numb and I just didn't want to do it anymore.  My doctor looked me in the eye and said things like "these things just happen sometimes" and told me I have "bad luck" and gave me a therapist's card. So I decided I couldn't do it anymore.  I couldn't keep putting myself through the same thing over and over and over and getting the same results each time.

So I waited a few months.  In those months, I prayed.  I felt torn.  I knew I didn't want to keep throwing myself in the fire, then crying about getting burned.  But at the same time, my heart could not let go of wanting a child.  I couldn't make myself accept being childless, much as I tried (and believe me, I tried.)  So I prayed and prayed and prayed.  And then one day, God spoke to me.  He told me to get up and try again.  He told me I have to means to achieve the desires of my heart if I just stop and think before I go the easy route again (throw myself into another cycle with the exact same doctor, medication, procedure, etc.) We had one more IVF covered on our insurance, so I decided that if I was going to do this, I was doing it completely different.

The first thing I did was find a new doctor.  I knew I needed fresh eyes to look at my case and get his opinion before moving forward with a cycle.  I transferred all my records to the Center for Reproductive Health and decided my new doctor would be Dr. Vasquez.  We met with him in August.  After being told there was nothing wrong with me, I had perfect cycles, I had bad luck, etc. I really didn't know what to expect.  I felt like he was going to tell me the same thing as Dr. Hill, I would have no answers as to why I couldn't get and stay pregnant, and I would have the same results with the last cycle I would ever be able to afford.  So when we sat down, the first thing out of Dr. V's mouth was:
"You look very defeated.  I can take care of you from the science persepective, but you have to fix your mindset.  You have to be positive and have faith that this will work."
Hearing him say that made me realize how different of an experience this was going to be.  Just knowing Dr. V saw me as a person and cared about my wellbeing, not just my chart, was amazing to me.  I fully trusted him from that point on.
Dr. V said the first thing we have to do is figure out why the embryos are failing to implant or are dying off.  He ordered a Lupron challenge test (to test for hormone imbalances in the egg) and a hysteroscopy (to test for clotting disorders, uterine lining issues, etc.) I told him I had never heard of these tests before, and that they were never offered at NFC, and he said they would probably find something wrong and fix it, so I could get and stay pregnant.

In August, we completed the Lupron Challenge test and the Hysteroscopy.  The results were mind blowing.  It turns out, I have a hormonal imbalance in my eggs.  The basic results of the lupron challenge test were this: the LH hormone was supposed to at least double (.5) in 24 hours.  Mine only went up .02!! He said this means my hormones could not sustain the embyo once it reached the blastocyst stage, which is why they weren't that great of a quality on day 5, while they were amazing on day 3.  The hysteroscopy found that I have a clotting disorder called factor 5.  Dr. V thinks this answers the mystery of why I miscarried at 6 weeks in June, after amazing HCG levels.  He thinks I shot a blood clot to the placenta, preventing the baby from getting enough nutrients and causing it to eventually die.  The hysteroscopy also found I have an MTHFR gene mutation, which basically means my body can not absorb folic acid.  Actually, excess folic acid is toxic to my body.  That would have been good to know, when NFC was giving me triple dose folic acid.....ANYWAY. The treatment plan was as follows:
-Begin heparin immediately to treat factor 5
-Begin specialty prenatal vitamins w/ replacement folic acid and folbee
-IVF egg retrieval, then genetically test all embryos to rule out abnormalities
-Frozen transfer of 2 genetically sound embryos

We honestly planned to do all this over the summer (June 2017), but when we spoke to the financial counselor, she told us that we had met our annual out of pocket deductible, so if we did IVF before January, it would be 100% covered!! It was like God was saying "This is it Tifani. This is what you've been waiting for.  This is your answer.. take it!!" So that's what I did.

We started the egg retrieval process in November.  It was rough.  I was on A LOT of hormone medication, and a lot of it was new to me, and I was struggling with keeping it all a secret.. especially when I was having to miss a lot of work, as well as the 2nd anniversary of losing the girls.. it was just a lot.  If I wasn't crying, I was biting someone's head off.  It was just.... it was bad.  I'm sorry for everyone I was a b*tch too.. please forgive me as you now know the real reason why!!

One day after our girls' second angelversary, we had our egg retrieval.  I'm going to be real honest and say I was expecting like 30+ eggs.  I was on quadruple the amount of meds as NFC, and the plan was to get as many eggs as humanly possible so we had the best chance for normal embryos.  So when Dr. V said he only retrieved 16, I lost it. I was so upset.  I thought, here we go again.. the beginning of the end.  Dr. V said that the low number, despite crazy high meds, is a result of the LH hormonal imbalance.  He said my body just can't process the meds as effectively as it should.  So all I could do was PRAY that those eggs made embryos, and those embryos be genetically normal.

So we get the call the next day that out of 16, 14 fertilized.  Great number! ok, started to feel a little better again.  But then, on day 5, we get the dreaded call.  Only 4 of our 14 embryos made it to blastocyst and were able to be sent for genetic testing.  I honestly felt my world crash down.  I thought, there is no way this is happening.  I just knew they would all come back abnormal, and it would be over.  They said the results wouldn't be back for another 3 weeks, so I was basically in Hell for a while, torturing myself over the results to come!!

The call came a week and a half later.  Immediately I thought, they are calling so soon because they were all abnormal.  So my nurse says "Hey Tifani, I'm calling to give you the results of your pregenetic testing" (I'm crying at this point) she proceeds to say "You have 2 genetically normal embryos, would you like to know the genders?......hello?" (I forgot how to speak) finally I choked out a yes and she said "you have a perfect boy and a perfect girl"  I couldn't believe it!! A boy and a girl.  2 genetically perfect babies.  Out of the 4,  2 were normal, 1 was a girl with trisomy 16, and 1 was inconclusive (this one is still frozen to be retested sometime in the future).  My nurse said the plan is to start me on the estrogen/progesterone regimen and transfer the boy and girl in January.

We had a little break between getting the results and starting the frozen transfer.  We celebrated the holidays with a little break in Mexico and basically just re-grouped to get our minds and my body ready for the procedure.  On January 24th, we transferred our baby boy and baby girl.  It was so smooth and so perfect!  We went home and I was on complete bedrest for 5 whole days.  The whole time, I was so zen and confident.  I kept thinking to myself "Dr. V has found every possible reason for this NOT to work, and fixed it.  There isn't a reason for this not to work.  It's going to work."

And sure enough, on February 3rd, we found out that it DID work! our HCG levels were great! I was so excited, but still, in the back of my mind, feared the ultrasound.  I thought to myself, I've been here before.  I got the good news and celebrated and then I was crushed.  So, then came the first ultrasound.  I was terrified.  My heart was beating out of my chest.  Speaking of beating hearts.. there they were.  2 perfect heartbeats.  2 babies measuring ahead of where they should be.  But then they found a subchorionic hematoma.  Basically, this is a pocket of blood in my uterus that can cause bleeding.  It scared me to death, but by the next ultrasound it had reabsorbed!  God is SO good. 

Since that first ultrasound, we have been going back every 2 weeks.  Each time, the babies are measuring ahead, their heartbeats are perfect, they are moving like crazy, my cervix is nice and long, everything is just perfect!  I have one more ultrasound with my fertility doctor, and then will be released to the high risk MFM. I pretty much have every high risk factor on the checklist (IVF, multiples, previous early miscarraige, previous stillbirth, clotting disorder....)

Of course, with this new pregnancy comes new emotions.  Talk to anyone who already knew the news, and they will tell you I am constantly comparing this pregnancy to the girls.  I think I have thought about them more during this pregnancy than I have in years.  I'm not sure how I will feel when I get to 20 weeks.  I am hoping I can cope emotionally, and not panic.  I'm thankful that I will be on summer break when this difficult time comes.  I have 100% faith in my transabdominal cerclage though, best $7k I've ever spent!! I know that piece of equipment will keep these babies growing for 37, maybe even 38 weeks!! But, it doesn't do much for PTSD.  So I ask for your prayers for my emotional wellbeing as we get through this!  I wish I could fast forward to September and have them safe in my arms already.

If you have made it through this whole post, go drink a glass of wine for me!! It's been a crazy 9 months, and it's just beginning!

                                                           Baby A- Londyn Mae Powell

                                                           Baby B- Xander James Powell